Day 5- 600 cals

 Today was okay, i guess. I didn't really want to eat 600 calories, i felt awful going over 400. But the whole point of the diet is to keep up your metabolism so i kinda had to eat more. I hated every second of it, and finally purged up my dessert because I really couldn't keep it down. So here are today's stats.
Morning Weight: 142.0
Breakfast-
1/2 cup cheerios- 55 calories
 Total: 55 calories
Lunch:
Diet Coke-1 calorie
Clementine-40 calories
Total:41 calories
Snack:
Black Tea-2 calories
3 sticks of gum- 15 calories (through out the day)
Total: 17 calories
Dinner:
Salad- 225 calories (with this yucky dressing my crazy grandma put on it)
Veggie Burger- 85 calories
Diet Coke-1 calorie
 Total- 311 calories
Dessert:
Fudgecicle- 40 calories
Total: 40 calories
Day Total:464
Nightly Weight: 142.6
I have a topic that i want to talk about but tonight I'm way to tired, so i think i'll post something tomorrow.

142.6

Hell yeah!! So I figured that the whole ABC diet wasn't for me. (Too confusing!) So instead i have been on the 2468 diet, and frankly I've been doing pretty well on it. Granted i do modify it a little (had a binge yesterday involving about 4 or maybe 5 blondies, I did purge it but i still felt super fat afterward) Even so, i still manage to get down to 142.6 according to my scale about ten minutes ago (hopefully i will have lost more by tomorrow morning!)

Day 1 of ABC

I think today went pretty well, considering i was only supposed to eat 500 calories or less. But then again it's only the first day. So here's my calories for the day:
Calories In
Breakfast:
1 piece of toast- 50 cals
Lunch:
Salad-95 cals
Dinner:
Brussels sprouts- 50 cals
Sweet potatoes-125 cals (EEK!!! i will not be eating those again)
Dessert:
Fudgesicle- 40 cals (those are awesome when you want something sweet!)
 Total calories: 360
I feel a lot better actually adding up all those numbers, today i felt like such a failure, but now i feel super happy! Tomorrow is another 500 calories and then this diet starts to get hard. I hope i can do it!

FML

Just binged.... and purged. God fucking dammit!! I had always prided myself in never purging, it made me feel as though my whole deal with food wasn't real. Now I don't think there's any avoiding what I'm becoming, now i guess there truly is no fighting back, I'm gonna just have to learn to deal. Fuck!
So since I am now a full fledged Ana girl, i think the best way to start would be to do the ABC diet. Anyone want to do it with me? I'm starting tomorrow, and I'll keep you up to date on my progress

Dog Pile on Maddi! Ouch!!

I think my mom is way to observation for a working stiff. I mean she is barely home during the week, and I tried to eat a little bit around her and today she as the nerve to say i have an eating disorder. I mean i might (still might just be a phase, too soon to tell i guess) but who does she think she is accusing me of something like that. It's not like she's around to do anything about it, and then she goes and and talks about it to my crazy grandma, and aunt, and some lady I've never even met. So that the entire time tonight at dinner I had people from all sides telling me to eat more food off my plate
I mean my god! Can they give it a rest already, they spent have the dinner just talking about me and how stupid I am for being a vegetarian, and how i should be eating meat and fish and all that jazz. Well they can all just shut the hell up!! You don't see me commenting on how much food my crazy grandmother eats (trust me, whenever i need some reverse thinspiration, my crazy grandma is perfect) *ok that was mean :(, but still*, or how my brother only eat cheese and bread (fucking hell, what i wouldn't do for that kind of metabolism!), so i don't think it's fair that they get to just come in a judge me!
This whole fiasco caused me to overeat, (stupid Grandma!) so i think i'll be back up to 146. something tomorrow. (I fucking hate my family by the way!) Which mean, i will not be eating a thing! I was searching the internet for ways to get out of eating, and i found this idea that you bring you're dinner up by your computer then put all the food in a plastic bag and then bring back the empty plate like 15 minutes later.(then throw away the bag later) I think I'm going to try this seeing as dinner is always the hardest meal to avoid with my family.
Hopefully by not eating tomorrow i can get back down to 144.whatever i was before!

144.4

Okay so maybe today wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, everything today was actually pretty chill. No real pressure about anything. I love these kinds of days.
The only problem with today is that, even though I kept my promise to myself and didn't eat any breakfast or lunch, every time I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror all i could think was "FAT ASS!". This is getting ridiculous, even when i got home and stepped on the scale and saw that I was at 144.4 lbs, all I could think was "FAT!". There must be something seriously wrong with me!

Sleep Depried, Music Deprived, F*cking Hell!

Ok, I'm stupid. I tell myself this all the time but it never seems to do any good. Not only did I lose my I-Pod yesterday (R.I.P my little Stevie, you served me well), but i only got about 4 hours of sleep last night due to the fact that i have insomnia. (okay, so this is a self diagnosis but what else could it be?) It's only 6:40 something and i am already having a shitty day.
So things to do today:

• Get up on time- only 10 minutes late (new record!)
• Make hair look slightly less stupid- Nope! (stupid hair!)
• No Breakfast-Check
• Homework all done-Hell no that's why we have homeroom (Duh!)

2 out of 4 not bad at all, still i know it's going to be a shitty day. Maybe the Circus tonight will cheer me up, but only if I can go without eating for the rest of the day!
 School, Laters