I think today went pretty well, considering i was only supposed to eat 500 calories or less. But then again it's only the first day. So here's my calories for the day:
Calories In
Breakfast:
1 piece of toast- 50 cals
Lunch:
Salad-95 cals
Dinner:
Brussels sprouts- 50 cals
Sweet potatoes-125 cals (EEK!!! i will not be eating those again)
Dessert:
Fudgesicle- 40 cals (those are awesome when you want something sweet!)
Total calories: 360
I feel a lot better actually adding up all those numbers, today i felt like such a failure, but now i feel super happy! Tomorrow is another 500 calories and then this diet starts to get hard. I hope i can do it!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
FML
Just binged.... and purged. God fucking dammit!! I had always prided myself in never purging, it made me feel as though my whole deal with food wasn't real. Now I don't think there's any avoiding what I'm becoming, now i guess there truly is no fighting back, I'm gonna just have to learn to deal. Fuck!
So since I am now a full fledged Ana girl, i think the best way to start would be to do the ABC diet. Anyone want to do it with me? I'm starting tomorrow, and I'll keep you up to date on my progress
So since I am now a full fledged Ana girl, i think the best way to start would be to do the ABC diet. Anyone want to do it with me? I'm starting tomorrow, and I'll keep you up to date on my progress
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Dog Pile on Maddi! Ouch!!
I think my mom is way to observation for a working stiff. I mean she is barely home during the week, and I tried to eat a little bit around her and today she as the nerve to say i have an eating disorder. I mean i might (still might just be a phase, too soon to tell i guess) but who does she think she is accusing me of something like that. It's not like she's around to do anything about it, and then she goes and and talks about it to my crazy grandma, and aunt, and some lady I've never even met. So that the entire time tonight at dinner I had people from all sides telling me to eat more food off my plate
I mean my god! Can they give it a rest already, they spent have the dinner just talking about me and how stupid I am for being a vegetarian, and how i should be eating meat and fish and all that jazz. Well they can all just shut the hell up!! You don't see me commenting on how much food my crazy grandmother eats (trust me, whenever i need some reverse thinspiration, my crazy grandma is perfect) *ok that was mean :(, but still*, or how my brother only eat cheese and bread (fucking hell, what i wouldn't do for that kind of metabolism!), so i don't think it's fair that they get to just come in a judge me!
This whole fiasco caused me to overeat, (stupid Grandma!) so i think i'll be back up to 146. something tomorrow. (I fucking hate my family by the way!) Which mean, i will not be eating a thing! I was searching the internet for ways to get out of eating, and i found this idea that you bring you're dinner up by your computer then put all the food in a plastic bag and then bring back the empty plate like 15 minutes later.(then throw away the bag later) I think I'm going to try this seeing as dinner is always the hardest meal to avoid with my family.
Hopefully by not eating tomorrow i can get back down to 144.whatever i was before!
I mean my god! Can they give it a rest already, they spent have the dinner just talking about me and how stupid I am for being a vegetarian, and how i should be eating meat and fish and all that jazz. Well they can all just shut the hell up!! You don't see me commenting on how much food my crazy grandmother eats (trust me, whenever i need some reverse thinspiration, my crazy grandma is perfect) *ok that was mean :(, but still*, or how my brother only eat cheese and bread (fucking hell, what i wouldn't do for that kind of metabolism!), so i don't think it's fair that they get to just come in a judge me!
This whole fiasco caused me to overeat, (stupid Grandma!) so i think i'll be back up to 146. something tomorrow. (I fucking hate my family by the way!) Which mean, i will not be eating a thing! I was searching the internet for ways to get out of eating, and i found this idea that you bring you're dinner up by your computer then put all the food in a plastic bag and then bring back the empty plate like 15 minutes later.(then throw away the bag later) I think I'm going to try this seeing as dinner is always the hardest meal to avoid with my family.
Hopefully by not eating tomorrow i can get back down to 144.whatever i was before!
Friday, March 25, 2011
144.4
Okay so maybe today wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, everything today was actually pretty chill. No real pressure about anything. I love these kinds of days.
The only problem with today is that, even though I kept my promise to myself and didn't eat any breakfast or lunch, every time I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror all i could think was "FAT ASS!". This is getting ridiculous, even when i got home and stepped on the scale and saw that I was at 144.4 lbs, all I could think was "FAT!". There must be something seriously wrong with me!
The only problem with today is that, even though I kept my promise to myself and didn't eat any breakfast or lunch, every time I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror all i could think was "FAT ASS!". This is getting ridiculous, even when i got home and stepped on the scale and saw that I was at 144.4 lbs, all I could think was "FAT!". There must be something seriously wrong with me!
Sleep Depried, Music Deprived, F*cking Hell!
Ok, I'm stupid. I tell myself this all the time but it never seems to do any good. Not only did I lose my I-Pod yesterday (R.I.P my little Stevie, you served me well), but i only got about 4 hours of sleep last night due to the fact that i have insomnia. (okay, so this is a self diagnosis but what else could it be?) It's only 6:40 something and i am already having a shitty day.
So things to do today:
School, Laters
So things to do today:
- Get up on time- only 10 minutes late (new record!)
- Make hair look slightly less stupid- Nope! (stupid hair!)
- No Breakfast-Check
- Homework all done-Hell no that's why we have homeroom (Duh!)
School, Laters
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Damn Grandma
Now i knew this would happen some time down the road i had just hoped it would have been a little farther. I was doing so well and then Crazy Grandma called me down for dinner and watched me while i ate every single thing on my plate! I mean come on!! I love my grandma to pieces but that was overkill. She didn't even use a small plate she used ones of those huge ones, (the ones Tex-Mex restaurants use, the ones that if filled could probably feed an entire family for a week if it was any where else but America) and whenever i put my fork down she gave me a look. A look that said "eat the whole thing damnit or i'll shove it down your throat" kind of look. Apparently Grandma bear got fang!!
Just when i thought it was over, she brings out dessert. Kill me now! I'm already hungry enough to eat about anything, and she's had to bring out an ice box cake, my favorite fucking dessert. That B! So i did something I'm not proud of. I ate a piece,.... or two,... or three.. Dammit all to hell this is going to be such a bitch in the morning when i step on that scale!! And tomorrow's Friday which means I'm going to the circus (Yes, I do go to the Circus Thank you very much) maybe I'll just skip lunch tomorrow, and I'll tell Crazy Grandma that the food at the circus is way too greasy to even be considered food so hopefully i can go the entire day without eating a thing. Sounds like a plan, Grandma watch out cause Maddi like a puma, and you ain't gonna get this Fat ass to eat!
Ok so i just quoted Hannah Montana, i think that i should go nappy by!!
Night, laters
Just when i thought it was over, she brings out dessert. Kill me now! I'm already hungry enough to eat about anything, and she's had to bring out an ice box cake, my favorite fucking dessert. That B! So i did something I'm not proud of. I ate a piece,.... or two,... or three.. Dammit all to hell this is going to be such a bitch in the morning when i step on that scale!! And tomorrow's Friday which means I'm going to the circus (Yes, I do go to the Circus Thank you very much) maybe I'll just skip lunch tomorrow, and I'll tell Crazy Grandma that the food at the circus is way too greasy to even be considered food so hopefully i can go the entire day without eating a thing. Sounds like a plan, Grandma watch out cause Maddi like a puma, and you ain't gonna get this Fat ass to eat!
Ok so i just quoted Hannah Montana, i think that i should go nappy by!!
Night, laters
Introducing Sassymouth and Her New Best Friend
Alright, i going to just get this out of the way this is a pro Ana blog. I'm going to admit that I'm new to this whole eating disorder thing, i mean i have anorexic tendencies for a while now, and i had been trying to fight it, but I lost.
So this is my white flag waving, i give up, i give up food, i give up any respect i had for myself, I am completely and utterly spent, looks like Ana wins this time. I have been eating next to nothing for about two weeks now and I have already lost 6 pounds, at this rate I'll be a skinny bitch by summer! (note the sarcastic tone) Yay me *_*
Now I'm not encouraging others to be anorexic (because trust me it's not that fun) i just need something to take my mind off of food. Right now, I'm so hungry i could eat a McDonald's Big Mac (then not eat for an entire week) but I've already had two pieces of broccoli today and i feel like a big fat fattie.
That's another thing about me, being a new anorexic, i actually have no idea what I'm doing i mean i go on all these other pro Ana sites and everyone seems to know what their doing. They all have meal plans, the best excuses not to eat, tutorials of how to purge (thankfully for me it hasn't gotten to that yet), i thought anorexics just didn't eat at all i mean that's pretty much what I do, i only eat when my mom forces me to. I guess i still have a lot to learn about my new best friend Ana, i can't wait! *_*
So this is my white flag waving, i give up, i give up food, i give up any respect i had for myself, I am completely and utterly spent, looks like Ana wins this time. I have been eating next to nothing for about two weeks now and I have already lost 6 pounds, at this rate I'll be a skinny bitch by summer! (note the sarcastic tone) Yay me *_*
Now I'm not encouraging others to be anorexic (because trust me it's not that fun) i just need something to take my mind off of food. Right now, I'm so hungry i could eat a McDonald's Big Mac (then not eat for an entire week) but I've already had two pieces of broccoli today and i feel like a big fat fattie.
That's another thing about me, being a new anorexic, i actually have no idea what I'm doing i mean i go on all these other pro Ana sites and everyone seems to know what their doing. They all have meal plans, the best excuses not to eat, tutorials of how to purge (thankfully for me it hasn't gotten to that yet), i thought anorexics just didn't eat at all i mean that's pretty much what I do, i only eat when my mom forces me to. I guess i still have a lot to learn about my new best friend Ana, i can't wait! *_*
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